‘Tika-Taka’ code deciphered!!

2011-12-05T15:49:00.001+05:30

(The characters/teams/Agencies in the below write up are fictional. Any resemblance to real life is truly unintentional)

Madrid- In the news that could shake the whole footballing world, the crux behind Barcelona’s dominance has been revealed. It appears that Barca has developed an Inception System which works on similar lines as that of recently released Hollywood movie “Inception”. This revelation came after Jose Mourinho publicly announced that he too has developed that system.

“I have developed a unique Inception System which works on principle of dreams. Barcelona has been using it for the last four years, which explains their dominance over their rivals. But, mine is better – even better than the one I used at Inter to defeat them” He said speaking to press persons ahead of the ‘El- Clasico’ this month.

Since that press conference, the investigating agencies across the world- Football Bureau of Investigation (FBI), Intergoal and our own Controversy Bureau of Investigation (CBI) - are working overtime to unravel the controversy. Following are some of the findings from their investigations.

BARCELONA SUPREMACY

Initial findings of Investigations have revealed that Barcelona has developed a unique system to manipulate actions of opposition players without them realizing it. Though findings have failed to explain the working in detail, they have provided basic theory behind the system. Just before the start of the match, the Barca players along with their opponents, without their knowledge, enter into a dream world. In this dream world, opposition players are manipulated and maneuvered by incepting different thoughts into their minds. The vital link is that the actions of players in dream-world get transmitted as their actions in real world. And also, the system, codenamed ‘cordless inception’/ ‘Sleepless inception’ among investigators, does not require infusion of sedation to humans to make them dream. Technically, it leaves lot of questions unanswered. But it is hoped that within next two days the inception experts will provide a clear insight into working of this system.

The idea, reportedly, was first conceived by Barca’s Iniesta, which has led to him earning the sobriquet “El- Illusionista”. And also in gratitude to his idea, Spain let him score the winning goal in WC Final.

The same system was also used in the Spanish triumphs in Euro’08 and WC’10.

Mourinho gets the wind of Inception

Through sources yet unknown, Mouinho got the wind of Barca’s Inception system after his side lost to Barcelona in 2009 CL semifinals. During summer of 2009, Mourinho put forward his own plan of developing a new inception system to Abramovich. But, Russian czar, having little knowledge when it comes to football, ousted him from the club saying he had lost his mind. After thorough search for the interested parties, Mourinho finally settled with Inter Milan. Inter owner conferred full faith in Mourinho, investing heavily into the plan. Fortunately for them, the new system turned out to be a master piece, much better than Barca system, earning them the Champions league crown. Inter also became the first Italian team to complete the treble.

(When two inception systems clash with each other, players of better system incept thoughts into minds of players of weaker system)

The Fall Out

But after the CL triumph last year, Mourinho fell out with Inter over the club failing to meet the monetary terms agreed with him. Thus, Mourinho was left with no choice but to look for other options. In the process, Inter’s Inception system was divided with the club keeping the machinery and Mourinho taking the design and operating papers.

Casillas pulls the strings

Mourinho then moved to real Madrid after Club captain Casillas, well aware of the magic of Inception system as part of the Spanish team, forced the Real Madrid Board to hire the beleaguered manager to challenge Barca’s hegemony in La liga. After the move, Mourinho has been working on developing a new & better system with the help of design papers he had confiscated from Inter after his fallout with them. If the results this season are any indication, it appears that he has finally succeeded. Other important achievement of Mourniho has been to convince Christiano to pass the ball to teammates. Rumours has it that Christiano agreed to it only after he was told that he has to act as a team player only in dreams, not in real life.

Inter woes continue

At the other side, fortunes of Inter Milan, like Italy’s economy, have continued to dwindle. They now sit in bottom half of the Serie A table. Since their breakup with Mourinho, Inter have failed to maintain their stronghold in Serie A. Reports state that there is unrest among the players about the non- availability of inception system.

Manchester United joins the race

The investigations also revealed that Manchester is another club developing its own inception system. The system first came under radar of the club when Fergie’s espionage team was doing its ritual of phone tapping of rival managers. Incidentally, they heard the conversation between Mourinho and Abramovich about inception and brought it to the notice of Fergie. Initially, Fergie rubbished those talks, but then had to retract his decision when his side failed to beat Barcelona in CL ’11 final. (It is worth noting here that a year ago the same Barca side had been beaten by Inter Milan under Mourinho)

The work on the much fantasized inception system had begun earnestly in summer of this year. The club managed to put in place a system, only just before the start of the season. And also there were questions about the reliability of it, with some staff members expressing their doubts. They stated there were chances of opposition waking up from their dreams. Nevertheless, Fergie decided to go ahead with it. Though it worked wonders in the initial stages which included the 8-2 humiliation of arsenal, it fell apart during the match against Mancity which led to MANU’s worst defeat under Fergie. Following that, Fergie has vowed not to use it until all the bottlenecks are overcome. MANU returning to their usual 1-0 wins is a clear indication of that decision.

Even the MANU’s aggressive hunting of Sneijder has been linked to developing this system. Apparently, Sneijder, after having gained enough expertise of inception system under Mourinho at Milan, has valuable inputs to provide in helping MANU overcome its system bottlenecks. (At least, that’s what Fergi thinks)

MANCHESTER CITY upbeat

Meanwhile, city rivals Manchester City have confirmed that their traditional strategy of exorbitant spending will continue with the signing of Cavani in January transfer window. They are confident that it is the right approach to winning EPL title.

But TV analyst Shebby Singh thinks otherwise. “Mancity is trying to buy strongest horses to run its chariot, when its rivals are working on aerodynamics of their automobiles” he was quoted.

‘Inception’ incepted?!

In further astonishing news, it is revealed the Hollywood movie ‘Inception’ is actually based on the Inception system Barca has developed. It is reported that movie director Christopher Noaln, a close friend of former Barca president Laporta, was given green light to shoot the movie only on condition that he portray the reduced version of the Barca system. Because Nolan failed to agree to the condition, he was implanted with idea of having to use sedative in the movie (Thus the use of sedative). To cover up the trails, Barca also made him believe that he was working with the film for the last nine years well before Barca dominance had started.

-All of it were true only if beating Barca was as simple as developing some weird ‘Inception System’.

So friends, please stop wasting your time on reading articles- ‘How to beat Barcelona’, ’Overcoming Tika-Taka game’, ‘Barcelona can be beaten’ etc…

Point Blank- Vents of A Candid Mind

‘Tika-Taka’ code deciphered!!