‘Tika-Taka’ code deciphered!!

(The characters/teams/Agencies in the below write up are fictional. Any resemblance to real life is truly unintentional)

Madrid- In the news that could shake the whole footballing world, the crux behind Barcelona’s dominance has been revealed. It appears that Barca has developed an Inception System which works on similar lines as that of recently released Hollywood movie “Inception”. This revelation came after Jose Mourinho publicly announced that he too has developed that system.

“I have developed a unique Inception System which works on principle of dreams. Barcelona has been using it for the last four years, which explains their dominance over their rivals. But, mine is better – even better than the one I used at Inter to defeat them” He said speaking to press persons ahead of the ‘El- Clasico’ this month.

Since that press conference, the investigating agencies across the world- Football Bureau of Investigation (FBI), Intergoal and our own Controversy Bureau of Investigation (CBI) - are working overtime to unravel the controversy. Following are some of the findings from their investigations.

BARCELONA SUPREMACY

Initial findings of Investigations have revealed that Barcelona has developed a unique system to manipulate actions of opposition players without them realizing it. Though findings have failed to explain the working in detail, they have provided basic theory behind the system. Just before the start of the match, the Barca players along with their opponents, without their knowledge, enter into a dream world. In this dream world, opposition players are manipulated and maneuvered by incepting different thoughts into their minds. The vital link is that the actions of players in dream-world get transmitted as their actions in real world. And also, the system, codenamed ‘cordless inception’/ ‘Sleepless inception’ among investigators, does not require infusion of sedation to humans to make them dream. Technically, it leaves lot of questions unanswered. But it is hoped that within next two days the inception experts will provide a clear insight into working of this system.

The idea, reportedly, was first conceived by Barca’s Iniesta, which has led to him earning the sobriquet “El- Illusionista”. And also in gratitude to his idea, Spain let him score the winning goal in WC Final.

The same system was also used in the Spanish triumphs in Euro’08 and WC’10.

Mourinho gets the wind of Inception

Through sources yet unknown, Mouinho got the wind of Barca’s Inception system after his side lost to Barcelona in 2009 CL semifinals. During summer of 2009, Mourinho put forward his own plan of developing a new inception system to Abramovich. But, Russian czar, having little knowledge when it comes to football, ousted him from the club saying he had lost his mind. After thorough search for the interested parties, Mourinho finally settled with Inter Milan. Inter owner conferred full faith in Mourinho, investing heavily into the plan. Fortunately for them, the new system turned out to be a master piece, much better than Barca system, earning them the Champions league crown. Inter also became the first Italian team to complete the treble.

(When two inception systems clash with each other, players of better system incept thoughts into minds of players of weaker system)

The Fall Out

But after the CL triumph last year, Mourinho fell out with Inter over the club failing to meet the monetary terms agreed with him. Thus, Mourinho was left with no choice but to look for other options.  In the process, Inter’s Inception system was divided with the club keeping the machinery and Mourinho taking the design and operating papers.

Casillas pulls the strings

Mourinho then moved to real Madrid after Club captain Casillas, well aware of the magic of Inception system as part of the Spanish team, forced the Real Madrid Board to hire the beleaguered manager to challenge Barca’s hegemony in La liga. After the move, Mourinho has been working on developing a new & better system with the help of design papers he had confiscated from Inter after his fallout with them.  If the results this season are any indication, it appears that he has finally succeeded. Other important achievement of Mourniho has been to convince Christiano to pass the ball to teammates. Rumours has it that Christiano agreed to it only after he was told that he has to act as a team player only in dreams, not in real life.

Inter woes continue

At the other side, fortunes of Inter Milan, like Italy’s economy, have continued to dwindle. They now sit in bottom half of the Serie A table. Since their breakup with Mourinho, Inter have failed to maintain their stronghold in Serie A. Reports state that there is unrest among the players about the non- availability of inception system.

Manchester United joins the race

The investigations also revealed that Manchester is another club developing its own inception system. The system first came under radar of the club when Fergie’s espionage team was doing its ritual of phone tapping of rival managers. Incidentally, they heard the conversation between Mourinho and Abramovich about inception and brought it to the notice of Fergie. Initially, Fergie rubbished those talks, but then had to retract his decision when his side failed to beat Barcelona in CL ’11 final. (It is worth noting here that a year ago the same Barca side had been beaten by Inter Milan under Mourinho)

The work on the much fantasized inception system had begun earnestly in summer of this year. The club managed to put in place a system, only just before the start of the season. And also there were questions about the reliability of it, with some staff members expressing their doubts. They stated there were chances of opposition waking up from their dreams. Nevertheless, Fergie decided to go ahead with it. Though it worked wonders in the initial stages which included the 8-2 humiliation of arsenal, it fell apart during the match against Mancity which led to MANU’s worst defeat under Fergie.  Following that, Fergie has vowed not to use it until all the bottlenecks are overcome.  MANU returning to their usual 1-0 wins is a clear indication of that decision.

Even the MANU’s aggressive hunting of Sneijder has been linked to developing this system. Apparently, Sneijder, after having gained enough expertise of inception system under Mourinho at Milan, has valuable inputs to provide in helping MANU overcome its system bottlenecks. (At least, that’s what Fergi thinks)

MANCHESTER CITY upbeat

Meanwhile, city rivals Manchester City have confirmed that their traditional strategy of exorbitant spending will continue with the signing of Cavani in January transfer window. They are confident that it is the right approach to winning EPL title.

But TV analyst Shebby Singh thinks otherwise. “Mancity is trying to buy strongest horses to run its chariot, when its rivals are working on aerodynamics of their automobiles” he was quoted.

‘Inception’ incepted?!

In further astonishing news, it is revealed the Hollywood movie ‘Inception’ is actually based on the Inception system Barca has developed. It is reported that movie director Christopher Noaln, a close friend of former Barca president Laporta, was given green light to shoot the movie only on condition that he portray the reduced version of the Barca system. Because Nolan failed to agree to the condition, he was implanted with idea of having to use sedative in the movie (Thus the use of sedative). To cover up the trails, Barca also made him believe that he was working with the film for the last nine years well before Barca dominance had started.

The Unsung Position: The Makelele Role

If you thought Defensive Midfielder (DMF) is one who sits in front of the back four making two-footed challenges on everything that is near the ball, then, I must say, you better start following a sport which you actually understand. To put it in simple terms-He is the linchpin of a team; He is like cog in the wheel. A good team always flourishes on back of a steady DMF. The recent case in point is much-discussed performances of Senna and Busquets in the Spanish success at Euro’08 and World Cup’ 10 respectively. Even most of the world beating Brazilian sides always had a dependable Defensive Midfielder.

At the hindsight, everyone realises that these players are not as celebrated as other superstars.  This is what Zidane had to say about Claudio Mekelele, considered to be the best defensive midfielder ever, when he got transferred to Chelsea from Real Madrid:

“I think Claude has this kind of gift – he's been the best player in the team for years but people just don't notice him, don't notice what he does. But you ask anyone at Real Madrid during the years we were talking about and they will tell you he was the best player at Real. We all knew, the players all knew he was the most important. The loss of Makélelé was the beginning of the end for Los Galacticos… You can see that it was also the beginning of a new dawn for Chelsea. He was the base, the key and I think he is the same to Chelsea now

There are reasons why these players do not receive the appreciation they truly deserve. I have tried my best to list some of them.

Value for money:

In the world of inflated transfer market, the investments that seem little reasonable are the ones made on DMFs.  This is simply because most of the time the person responsible for approval of the investment (usually the chairman/the board) does not understand the importance of these players .Thus, ruling out exorbitant money being splashed on these positions like those on strikers/ playmakers.  This is how Club president Florentino Perez jeered when Mekelele handed over the transfer request after his demand for improved contract terms was turned down.

“We will not miss Makélelé. His technique is average; he lacks the speed and skill to take the ball past opponents, and ninety percent of his distribution either goes backwards or sideways. He wasn't a header of the ball and he rarely passed the ball more than three meters. Younger players will arrive who will cause Makélelé to be forgotten.”

-Perfect description of a Defensive Midfielder by a layman.

So if you are to prepare a list of world’s best players based on the transfer money, you probably would run out of paper to list these players.

Subtle Artistry: 

Viewers are so much subjected to dirty side of these workhorses; they reason lack of artistry in these players which is otherwise found aplenty in creative forwards and playmakers. This is like I going to an art gallery, looking at a weird painting and saying-‘What is so great about this??’(Yes! when it comes to art/painting I am at the bottom of the ocean)

The greatest asset of a DMF is his positioning. This skill is an art in itself.  A good DMF positions himself in most pivotal positions during onslaught from the opposition. This cancels out any possibility of clever through balls. DMF is also an intelligent game reader. He closely monitors movements of both the ball as well as off-ball players and has innate knowledge about the timing of the interception. The fact that most of the art in him is expressed when not in possession of the ball is probably the reason viewers fail to appreciate it. (If you had had enough of football watching a thing to add here- Don’t just concentrate the ball possessors. Try to watch off-ball movements of the players. It would be refreshing)

‘Inception’-ists (Nope! this has nothing do with dreams) 

Today is the age of final actors. They get all the accolades, praises and awards. Men behind the scenes are left behind for good. In football it’s no different. Only the goal scorer and the goal saving defender get the recognition. The fact that DMF is the last link in either chain keeps him under no limelight. But ask any manager, they would concede that DM is the ‘Inceptionist’ (Please don’t search for the word in the dictionary) of the moves which ultimately create goal scoring opportunities.  Most of the threatening attacks start from him. Likewise, you can almost always track back a goal conceding move to a slip up from the DMF.  

KISS- Keep it short and simple (That’s what managers tell them)

Another hallmark of a DMF is to keep the game as short and simple as possible. Because most of his plays happen in his own half, it is imperative that he keeps is game bereft of any errors. So you always find him playing simple and short seemingly innocuous passes. Thus, eliciting responses like the one stated above (from Real Madrid President). At the same time, he also possess in his armory, those unique little turns and twists. These may not be those flashy moves which leave your mouth wide open, but they certainly are quite effective in opening up the spaces.

The list just goes on. These are just few of my observations. I guess, many of you here will have lot more to share.